Last week I had an experience that caught me completely off guard and shook me to my core.
While scurrying around getting ready to leave the house, The Little Helping asked me for some pretzels. I told him, “not now,” and explained that it was not snack time. I also reminded him of his most recent meal and assured him that we could have pretzels later.
In my mind the issue was closed so I went off in search of my keys. Moments later I heard a rustling sound coming from the hall closet. I opened the door and found The Little Helping tucked into a dark corner with the bag of pretzels in his lap.
It was one of those moments when a dozen things happen in less than a second. All at once my breath caught in my throat, my stomach lurched, and I felt a cold rush of blood through my body. I was looking down at my son but in my mind I had become the child crouched in the closet sneaking food. I glimpsed a future of fighting over what to eat and when. In that split second my child had become a closet eater and I was helpless to save him.
In a blink it all passed and I stopped just short of collapsing on the floor in a hysterical heap. I sincerely hope none of the agony I experienced in that instant was broadcast on my face.
The pretzel bag was returned to the cupboard while I repeated my reminder that we would eat a snack later. Then I hurried us both out the front door.
The fact is our Little Helping is growing up – fast. He won’t be three until December but is already the size of many four year olds. Keeping up with him is often exhausting but I know it is all part of the process. The hardest part is letting him begin to make food choices for himself.
When he asks for yogurt, a banana, graham crackers, chocolate chips, and grapes, all in between meals I really struggle with when to say yes and when to say no. I also struggle with the language to use when he helps himself to any of these things. Could scolding him for grabbing healthy food without permission send the wrong message? For connivence sake I would love to put a latch on the refrigerator door but then I wonder if that makes the food inside all the more tempting.
My answer, for better or worse, is to just keep talking. Our conversations are simple after all he is only two. I might ask him to pick a protein to go with his chosen lunch of fruit and crackers and then offer him two appropriate options. When he asks for a snack right after a meal I talk about giving our bodies a chance to use the energy we put into them before adding more.
Throughout the summer he has been included in my vegetable gardening adventures helping to pick peas and tomatoes and pull up root veggies. Before getting into the car we frequently check on our squash vines. So far, he is even more likely to eat a vegetable after we tell him it came from the garden – I’m trying not to abuse that trick.
He is becoming more interested in my kitchen activities. As his attention span and coordination increases he has begun to “help” me cook. He lends a hand with a butter knife and something soft to chop on his own cutting board. Most recently he has started asking really thoughtful questions about the cooking process for various foods. It is a joy to watch him begin to connect the dots.
For my own sanity I hang on tight to those joy filled teaching moments. For now, the ‘pretzels in the closet’ incident has much more to do with me than him.
I will continue to heal.
He will continue to grow.
More bumps will happen.
The best is yet to come.
“It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.” ~Joyce Maynard.
“In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck – and, of course, courage.” ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986
This can be a touchy subject. If you have some kind thoughts please share them.